Wallow

If I could choose to be an animal it would not be a pig.

It had already been a very busy weekend on call with more than enough challenging and patience-trying cases to go around. I was driving home and was one block from my house when the phone rang yet again; a heifer with a uterine prolapse, could I please come right away. I called my wife and reassured her with these foolish words, "He doesn't live very far away, so it hopefully won't take very long."

As I may have mentioned previously we have had an awful weather winter. Record snowfall combined with record flooding. Then to make this weekend extra nice we got rain, followed by snow, followed by pouring rain, then more snow, then a little more rain. I think wet and cold pretty much miserable sums it up.

When I arrived at the farm the farmer greeted me with, "She was going crazy in the chute so I tranquilized her, and now she laid down". Normally that would not be a problem but this chute happened to be a small old chute that neither side would open on and she was twisted and cramped sideways with her legs tucked far up underneath her. Normally I would try and get both legs out behind the cow and the uterus goes in much more easily but that was not an option. Hoping that maybe this time would be the exception and everything would go in easily I went right to work.

I got the uterus cleaned off nicely and starting stuffing things inside without too much ado. It was like the heifer had a threshold for a specific amount of uterus that she was willing to have inside of her. Once I got to that point and tried to push any more she would give a big abdominal thrust and push everything back out on top of me. Not one to give up easily it quickly turned into a push-o-war. Me pushing in and her pushing out. Now the part that I failed to mention was that this chute we were working in was outside in the middle of the corral. In order to get a good angle on this laying down, butt twisted sideways and downwards uterus, I got to play pig in an 6 inch deep puddle of muddy water and you-know-what-else-turns-water-brown. Fortunately I was wearing my waterproof bibs, OB top, and overshoes. Unfortunately, that was not enough and I still ended up stinking and soaking. I don't understand the thrill that pigs get from that. The worst part was that she was winning and the uterus was not going in.

Next we tried letting her out (with a halter on tied to the side of the chute). Of course she was too sedate and wouldn't move so the farmer got his loader tractor to pull her out of the chute to put her in a more workable position. Perhaps she could sense our intentions as the loader pulled up toward her head and she suddenly had enough energy to stand and walk out. Now I was able to get the uterus back into the heifer without too much trouble...just a little dancing back and forth through deep mud, trying not too get my shoulder dislocated.

Today I did not love being a cold, wet, dirty, and my wife would add stinky, country vet.